David, Me, & PHP

Yesterday was a milestone event in my PHP programming career; I wrote my first PHP robot script.  It was a nerd triumph of sorts.  My friend David, who got me started on PHP about 3 years ago, once again helped me get to the next level.  He’s not really a PHP programmer per se, but he works data magic on spreadsheets and knows the PHP syntax well enough to pop data variables into PHP scripts brute force style.  We collaborated to create a straight up PHP brass tacks script that did some real work.  Which as it turns out, was a real epiphany for me.

Let me begin this story with an analogy about drywall and demolition.  When I had first set out to remodel our kitchen in our first house, I had never done drywall or demolition.  My father was an engineer, and most things we worked on together as father and son were precision in nature: rulers, pencils, straight lines, diagrams, graph paper, &c.  So I really didn’t know what I was getting into when it was time to demolish my old kitchen.  Luckily, I had my father-in-law coming over and this was his type of work, and I was about to learn from one of the best.

I woke up one spring morning and made myself breakfast in my kitchen for the last time.  My father-in-law shows up after breakfast with a couple of sledge hammers and some other tools.  He hands me one of the sledge hammers, takes a swing at a wall in my kitchen with the other and knocks the fuck out of it.  A little explosion of dust and debris came from the contact of that hammer against the wall.  That visual coupled with the loud THUD! noise made my goes wide.  I was thinking ‘what the fuck!?!? we’re just going to knock this motherfucker the fuck down!?!?’.   It was very liberating to swing that sledge hammer; it was intoxicating.  I got into a zone smashing walls, cabinets, old nasty range-tops, counter-tops, soffets, &c.  It all happened so fast.  The kitchen that I had just eaten breakfast in was gone before lunch time.  My kitchen was naked down to the studs and what used to be my kitchen was a scatter of debris in my backyard.  It was awesome.

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